Monday, December 13, 2010

Opening Scene

This was my slap-up attempt at an opening scene the other night. Most of you have read it already. However, if you could please post your reactions as comments below...I would be really obliged. :)
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She lay there, watching up at him with terrified eyes, not even daring to raise her hand to her swelling jaw line.

“You ---- ----!!!” he screamed at her, face distorted with rage. “You always think you can tell me what I ---- can can’t do! You little ---- whore! You’ve no right to preach at me with the life you’ve been living! Your God is always ---- right, always poking His nose right into other people’s business! Well, you’re a fine one to set the example for Him, aren’t you? You -----!!”

He moved closer, almost spitting in her face. Her whole body tensed as he invaded her space, his flushed skin and alcohol laced breath only inches away from her.

“He’s done a fine job of protecting you so far, hasn’t He? But then, someone as faithful in serving Him as you’ve been and so devoted to following Him deserves the most of His protection, don’t you think?” he hissed.

She closed her eyes. In spite of herself, the tears she long withheld gushed from under her lashes at the words which lanced her soul further.

“Let’s see if He can protect you now, eh?”

Her eyelids fluttered open, a new fear invading her.

“Dave...” she pleaded in a choked whisper. “Not now...”

He shot out a hand and grabbed her by the throat, yanking her upright. Her eyes widened and began to roll in their sockets as his grip tightened. He transferred his grip to her hair as he grabbed the collar of her t-shirt.

“This is my right, isn’t it?” he sneered. “And what you wanted so badly that you left everything for it. Love! Come on, I’m only giving you what you asked for!”

He tore at her clothes, stripping her top from her even as she struggled against him.

“Fighting me?” he crooned in a whisper, and then gave a brutal chuckle. “We’ll see about that.”

His nails tore down her skin, even as she cried out, digging into her stomach, deeper and deeper. Grabbing her wrists, he forced her back on her pillow. Sobbing now, she shook with fear. Suddenly his grip relaxed.

“No, why should I bother?”

She glanced up through her tears to see his gaze caustically rake up and over her.

“I can find better deals in a brothel.”

He banged the door shut behind him. It echoed in her mind and heart as she rolled, a little stiff, onto her side. The tears flowed without effort down her face. What hurt even worse than the physical pain he did and would have caused her, was the pang that she no longer held him by any means. The pain of rejection by the man she still loved so dearly.

She reached down and with effort pulled her knees up against her chest, in a protective movement. She closed her eyes, her mind taking her back to the dusty trail of her past, a path she travelled the least she could. Almost against her will, her thoughts turned the musty pages of long forgotten years, and retraced her steps to what had brought her here now; helpless, forsaken, alone.

~ ~ ~

........ :)


  1. I think it's a good thing for you to start writing, for yourself as well. It's a good start. Most of my comments from the other night still stand.


This is one of the hardest things I've ever attempted. I would welcome your encouragement to keep pushing me to carry on (and overcome my procrastination!). Your comments are more welcome from the bottom of my heart than I can ever say!

As we Rebelutionaries say: Do Hard Things! ;)